Flu Shots For Everyone!

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MacBaby and I both have a cold (his first), which only amplifies my constant fear of swine flu hitting the MacFamily household.

This article states that pregnant women are at greater risk of the flu and can suffer greater consequences. I'm a big fan of flu shots and I can also attest that pregnant women are likelier to get sicker than their non-pregnant counterparts. Last winter, I had a series of ailments that you do not want details about.

In summary, I and MacBaby will be getting flu/swine flu shots if/when available. And, wash your hands people!

Around the Web

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16 and Pregnant for your Viewing Pleasure

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On Thursday night, I watched the season finale of 16 and Pregnant on MTV hosted by Dr. Drew Pinsky. I haven't seen every minute of each episode, but I got the gist of the series and was intrigued enough to check in on these girls who became moms at an early age.

Controversy exists over the series and whether or not it glorifies teen pregnancy. I felt like MTV portrayed the challenges and rewards honestly. The season finale, though, I thought was would have been more subtle only if Dr. Drew had a sledgehammer and to hit audience members over the head with while screaming, "don't have unprotected sex!"He clearly had an agenda to communicate.

Dr. Drew wanted the moms to admit that they made a mistake and regret getting pregnant and having a kid. While I'm sure these moms do think about how their lives have changed, their repentance would only negate the presence of their children.

I think the fifteen year olds in the audience, and those watching from home, are discerning enough to realize that having a child as a teenager will seriously complicate your life. Enough with making the girls cry. I would have been all for him slapping Farrah's mom, though.

The whole presentation of the finale was totally wanabee twee. Why did they have to steal The Flight of the Conchords music? I find it strange that they refer to those featured on the show as the "cast," like they auditioned for the part. It's not a cast! They're real people! This isn't The Hills!

Dr. Drew revealed there would be a season two. This, I approach skeptically. Since the show garnered a large audience, I hope that teenage girls aren't trying to get pregnant just to be on MTV. While I said earlier that teenagers can be discerning, they can also be calculating and publicity-crazed.

Finally, I wish that the people who adopted Catelynn's baby would have adopted her and Tyler too.

More on Breastfeeding

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The debate over breast versus bottle rages at the New York Times. The caption for the illustration cracks me up.

My New Favorite Parenting Site Speaks the Truth

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This dude is hilarious. I commend him for pointing out the one negative part of breastfeeding:

Unlike the absurdly judgmental authors of just about every baby book lying around the flat, I really have no opinion when it comes to breast vs. bottle feeding. However when I hear the "F" word, all my selfish instincts tell me one thing: the breast is better. The breast means I get to sleep most of the night.

When I say negative, I mean negative for me. Thank you, new dad, for admitting the truth. Dads love the breastfeeding because it absolves them from feeding responsibilities! The most uttered phrase from MacDad after MacBaby was born was "I think he's hungry." Sometimes this was true, sometimes not. Now, it's even less of an excuse since he's on more of a schedule for eating (every three hours).

While I didn't mind being solely responsible for feeding MacBaby during the day, after 10 p.m. it sucked. Once MacDad went back to work, the rational part of my brain said, "let him sleep, he has to get up in the morning." But, it is very hard to maintain this attitude at three a.m. while your spouse is snoring and you are staring at the clock watching one o'clock, two o'clock, three o'clock come and go.

Fortunately, our (my) sleep schedule has improved, and but I haven't more than four hours in a row since March 22, 2009. On the plus side, I haven't witnessed a sunrise in several months.

A friend suggested I would miss those quiet morning, listening to the birds begin to chirp and staring at my child wondering if he would ever fall back to sleep. I do not. Instead, I relish the time we have now, sleeping and cuddling side by side.

Proof That I'm Not Crazy

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The MacFamily Unit has two dogs. They used to roam the house freely, sometimes even sleeping in the bed with us (much to my chagrin).

Lately, they've been spending their time in the basement and in the back yard (they have a doggie door).

Here's why. This dog stole a baby from its crib and took it for a ride in the backyard. While I'm sure neither of our dogs would be this astute, from the first night in the hospital, I had nightmares about such incidents.

It's nice to know that I'm not making up that dogs could conceivably harm newborns.

Need Formula Because You're Physically Incapable of Breastfeeding? The Gov Says Bah.

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This article in Newsweek is interesting and timely, since the MacFamily Unit just set up our fexible spending account for the first time. The IRS refuses to add formula to the list of approved expenditures, even for a woman who had a double mascetomy and is physicall incabable of breastfeeding.

To recap: ovulation predictor kits - ok. The necessary-for-survival food with which you'll feed the eventual result of the ovulation predictor kit - not ok.

If you find this information unsettling, let your local Representative know.

Today is an Exciting Day for the MacFamily Unit

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Tonight we're taking MacBaby to the pediatrician for his 4th month checkup. I'm very curious as to whether we'll get the go ahead for solid foods. From what I've read, the little ones start with rice cereal between four and six months. I think MacBaby is exhibiting all the signs for readiness, but I'd be fine with him waiting another two months. He seems perfectly happy and is progressing into infanthood nicely. I don't want to rush things.

This newfound trait - patience - is something I've learned in the past four months.

When MacBaby got home from the hospital, I was anxious for him to put some meat on his bones. I wanted a sturdier baby, one less fragile. But now, the time is zooming by. He smiles and even laughs. He plays in his exersaucer, and gets annoyed when we take him out to play with us. He faces out in his stroller, content to watch the world instead of making eye contact with his parents. He'll be in college before I know it!

So, I'm content for him to exist on breastmilk (and eight bottles of formula per week) for the time being.

By the way, what are the best (actual) books on child development? I feel as though I should have a few more handy as a resource in addition to the all-knowing internets.

What's Fer Dinner?

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While I'm pondering what the MacFamily unit will be dining on tonight, I thought I'd share one of my favorite recipes, one-pot salmon with snap peas and rice, courtesy of Real Simple. Believe me, if I can do it, you can do it.

From Supermodel to Supermom

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On Saturday morning, a rare moment occurred in my household. MacDad and MacBaby napped together and I got a moment to myself! I took advantage of the time to read the latest issue of Vogue and learned about supermodel Christy Turlington's involvement in preventing international maternal deaths. According the the article, "half a million women die in childbirth every year, a figure that has changed little in 20 years." Her research led her to finance a documentary filmed in Bangladesh, Tanzania and Guatemala following mothers and their treatment during pregnancy. She's advocating for change while working with CARE's Mothers Matter program, in addition to raising her own two kids.

Pregnancy and childbirth are scary as is, I can't imagine facing these issues in an underdeveloped country. Thinking about my own experience, I'm certain that MacBaby would have suffered permanent damage had it not been for the expertise of the medical team treating me. I had a c-section because dilation was not progressing. When they took out MacBaby, they realized the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck three times. Thankfully, he was fine, but I thought for weeks about what could have happened.

I know I won't follow Christy Turlington's example and go back to school for my master's degree in public health, but I will continue learning about this important issues and determining how I can make a difference to moms and babies in need around the world.

Nekkid Time

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The New York Times addresses child nudity today, a topic that McDad and I discuss frequently and have set guidelines for.

For instance, we can take pictures of our baby nude and put them in an album, but we do not post them online or share them with others electronically. Someday, he will be a man and may be annoyed that his parents shared pictures of his bits with the world. We're trying to avoid that.

In real life, our child has yet to wear a pair of pants. I've wondered if he should don a pair, but McDad argued that he has the rest of his life to wear pants. Agreed. He will start wearing pants in September when it gets cooler and he's a little older. At nighttime, pajamas are unnecessary. MacBaby sleeps only in a diaper. He seems more comfortable that way and it gives his skin time to breathe. What about airing out his derriere? Unfortunately, he's got to keep tush covered for now as it can explode at any moment.

Funny story about that: soon after we returned from the hospital, McDad decided McBaby needed naked time. I tried to warn him that this was a terrible idea. Sure enough, he got pooped on. Lesson learned.

This topic also alludes to a time in my life which I'm dreading: having to be fully clothed myself. For now, since MacBaby literally survives on a product my body produces, I'm extremely lax about modesty in our household. I will be very sad the day I have to wear clothes around him. When will that happen do you think? Where's the balance between helping your child embrace the natural state and scarring him?

What's in my Diaper Bag?

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Please note: I do not have a "diaper bag." I carry around a large tote bag which currently contains the following:

I'm glad I did this. I had no idea all this crap was in there and found another lip gloss. I'm not savvy enough to carry a separate bag for when I'm not with baby, so I just schelp this stuff around all the time. Perhaps not the best system I'm realizing.

What's in your diaper bag?

Baby Brains

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According to ABC News, researchers believe fetuses at 30 works have some memory. If this is true, then MacBaby will surely recognize the words "ice cream," becuause I said them quite often at that point in my pregnancy.

Why is it Called Morning Sickness When it Lasts All Day (and night)?

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People say that after you have a baby you get amnesia about two things 1) first trimester morning sickness and 2) labor. Somehow, I remember details of each very well. As MacBaby turns four months old today*, I thought I would reminisce about how I was feeling a year ago.

Last summer, I went to visit friends for a week. When I returned, MacDad prepared an awesome dinner of burkey (a combination of hamburger and ground turkey) burgers. I started feeling nauseous and I could not eat it. I went to bed that night, thinking I'd feel better in the morning. That did not happen. I had to wait 14 weeks for that morning.

Imagine the worst hangover you've ever had in your life. Imagine that hangover lasting three and a half months weeks with no break.

During that time, our routine included my waking up and waiting to see if I was going to throw up. I would shower, then wait in the stall to see if I was going to throw up. I would get dressed, go downstairs and then throw up. If I didn't make it to the bathroom, MacDad would clean it up then ask, "ready to go to work?"

Sometimes, I would get to work, and then throw up again. The experience was so miserable that when I returned from maternity leave and used the restroom at work, the smell of the bathroom made me nauseous just from association.

To make the awful feeling subside, I tried pregnancy pops, saltines and MacDad even made me a cake with fresh ginger. There was no relief. I remember watching the Olympics and feeling just horrible. Still, the site of Michael Phelps makes me sick to my stomach.

I'm thankful that this "morning" sickness didn't last my whole pregnancy, as it does with some seriously unfortunate women. But, in a strange way the feeling was reassuring, knowing that a person was growing in my belly and my body was reacting to it.

The sickness eventually subsided and then, I was just hungry. And, of course, now I can say it was all worth it as our bundble of joy is endlessly loveable and entertaining. However, if there's a MacBaby#2, I'd be just fine skipping the sickness and going straight to hungry :)

*Why does the time go so slow when you're pregnant, and then go so fast once you have the little one?

Full Disclosure: Why I Blog

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According to ABC News, there are 10,000 mommy bloggers out there. Why did I decide to join the ranks? Because I have a lot of opinions and MacDad doesn't always like to listen to them. Jokes!

I view this blog as a way to combine my interests - writing and my family. And, yes, it's true, I do have a lot of opinions. There were a lot of things about pregnancy, childbirth and parenting that I wish someone had told me, so I do hope that some of my opinions can be useful to others.

That being said, I do not think my opinions, or my child-raising methods are the only way. Heck, I've only been doing this four months, so I still have a lot to figure out! I share what works for me and my family. We have challenges, but others may encoutner different problems. For instance, MacBaby is great at tummy time; not so great at sleeping through the night. I hope to spur a dialog about babies and pareting, using topics in my life and main stream media as my guide. I do not shill for any products. All of my opinions are based on experience.

In addition to blogging, I watch too much T.V., enjoying reading, like keeping up with pop culture. I'm also obsessed with our personal finances and what we'll be eating for dinner. Maybe I'll write about these things, too

If there are any topics you'd like to see covered on this blog, feel free to contact me at macfamilyunit@gmail.com.

Thanks for reading!

Postpartum Depression - Should All New Moms Be Screened?

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Time magazine has an article debating whether all new moms should be screened for postpartum depression (PPD). A new law, which passed the Senate and is heading for the House, will mandate the funding of research, education and public-service announcements against PPD along with services for women who have it. Those against the law beleive it will be an opportunity for doctors to over-prescribe new moms.

I was fortunate enough not to experience clinical PPD. During MacBaby's first month of life, in between streches of adoring my newborn, I cried plenty and yelled at MacDad for no good reason. I attribute this to extreme fatigue. But, I never contimplated jumping out of a window.

Screening, though, seems like the correct thing to do. While my familiarity with the condition extends only to a public war of words between Tom Crusie and Brooke Shields and what the Parents as Teachers Lady and Nutbag Lactation Lady told me (it's chemical, not character, repeated 3x), those suffering PPD need the support of their medical advisors. The first forray into motherhood (and I'd imagine the second and third) is taxing enough, I couldn't imagine taking care of a newborn while battling depression as well. So, yes, I'm for the Mothers Act!

A Funny About My Hunnies

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This happens in our house. All the time. Google has been the go-to problem solver since we found out I was pregnant. I had the books, but why bother with those when you have the whole internet at your disposal?

Apparently doctors really hate this method of obtaining information. I remember calling the OB/GYN nurse during one of my many illnesses while I was pregnant worrying about something I learned online (I can't recall the specific ailment -- pregnancy caused my brain to shrink, but that's another post). They refuted this information and told me to stop reading the internets.

But, I can't! It's so useful when searching for the reason for green baby poo or to check on a four months old development. How did people learn about what to do with their babies before Google?





















Illustration by Ali Volkmar.

MacFamily Menu

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After much debate, MacMama and I have finished our negotiations about me posting on the family blog. The conditions are: I will post regularly about our menu, and in return she will continue to be married to me.

So, here it goes:

Like many modern families, we have mashed up the domestic tasks into a system that looks nothing like the '50s-era American model, but still manages to work. Although I would love to come home every night to an apron-clad wifey, who would take my hat in exchange for something bourbony in a highball glass, this just ain't going to happen.

Instead, I'm greeted more often with the recurring and always challenging, "What's for dinner?" (and now with MacBaby, add some crying and howling for effect)

Really, I don't mind. I like to cook, and MacMama has enough on her hands, including being the sole source of nutrition for the MacBaby. So my challenge is to pull together dinner, one night after another, quickly, efficiently, tastily and healthily.

I've got plenty of tips and such, lessons I've picked up from a few years spent in kitchens, but always as an amateur, not as a pro. Here's my first one: learn value of parsley. Not the spidery green that you get next to the baked potato and steak at your 80s-era steakhouse, but the real kind: flat, broad green leaf Italian parsley.

Here's what you do with it to put on a homey but impressive meal in about 20 minutes:

1. Boil water for pasta. As a rule, don't add oil to the water, add salt. If you add oil it will coat your noodles and keep the sauce from penetrating it. Salt will help the water boil faster and add a little something to the noodles.

2. While the water boils, clean your parsley and chop it up. Also crush, shell and mince 5 or 6 cloves of garlic. The smaller cloves will pack more punch. Shred some parmesan. If you're doing a salad with dinner, now is the time to get it going, while the water is heating to a boil.

3. If you're still waiting for the water to boil, have a glass of wine or a beer. If you're drinking a beer, pour it into a glass; don't drink it from a can or bottle. You can look into its colors and swirls, and appreciate them, while you wait for the water.

4. Water's boiling: drop in your pasta and stir it up immediately to keep it free flowing. I like to use regular spaghetti for this tho some recommend linguine. You'll want to pull it a little early on the cooking time, so it's just al-dente. At this point you need to get everything else done while the pasta cooks, so get to it.

5. Heat a fair amount of olive oil in a saucepan with some red pepper flakes. A medium heat is all you need. When there's about 5 minutes left on the pasta, drop your garlic in the oil. Whatever you do, don't burn the garlic. If it turns brown, it's gone bitter. Game over. Order a pizza.

6. Optional- if you want to be a purist, you can proceed to next step. But at this point if you want to add anything else- diced tomato, some mushrooms, etc- go for it.

7. Mix it all together. Drop a cup of the pasta cooking water into the oil. Drain the noodles and add to the oil. Add the parsley. Turn everything together; I use a tongs for this. Add the shredded parm. Turn it all together. Lift into some pasta bowls, and eat.

This dish has a lot of names but the simplest one is Alio e Olio. When it works, the parsley's high, fresh notes balance the earthy garlic, the parm binds and the pepper flakes lend some zing. I like to do a broccoli thing with this, but that's another recipe. All doable in 20 minutes.

OK, more to write but I have to go make Sunday dinner.

How Do I Entertain My Child? Let Me Count the Ways. . .

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Our current go-to means of entertainment methods include:

The Papasan Cradle Swing

Travel Swing

The Bouncer

Tummy Time Matt

Exersaucer

The swing and the saucer are excellent for when I'm cleaning up the kitchen. The boppy travel swing stays in the bathroom to put him in when we're showering. After 5 p.m. none of these options work as MacBaby gets crabby, tired and just wants to be held, so we resort to the Baby Bjorn and our nightly walk around the neighborhood.



Isn't it Cute When

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Babies roll from their back to their front for the first time? Then they look up at you like what did I just do? How did I get here?


Ruth Ginsberg Weighs in on Recession Mama Drama

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Excerpted from a New York Times Interview:

Q: In the 1980s, you wrote about how while the sphere for women has widened to include more work, men haven’t taken on as much domestic responsibility. Do you think that things are beginning to change?

JUSTICE GINSBURG: That’s going to take time, changing that kind of culture. But looking at my own family, my daughter Jane teaches at Columbia, she travels all over the world, and she has the most outstanding supportive husband who certainly carries his fair share of the load. Although their division of labor is different than mine and my husband’s, because my daughter is a super cook.

Q: Can courts play a role in changing that culture?

JUSTICE GINSBURG: The Legislature can make the change, can facilitate the change, as laws like the Family Medical Leave Act do. But it’s not something a court can decree. A court can’t tell the man, You’ve got to do more than carry out the garbage.

LOL!


Recession Mama Drama

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According to a Time Magazine article, women are bearing the brunt of the recession, even when it's their husbands who are laid off.

Here's my favorite part: To be sure, many of these cuts affect both the husband and wife, but women — even those who work outside the home — still take on more household responsibilities, including cooking, cleaning and taking care of children, whatever their ages.

There's actual data to back this up in this article from the New York Times: "The most recent figures from the University of Wisconsin’s National Survey of Families and Households show that the average wife does 31 hours of housework a week while the average husband does 14 — a ratio of slightly more than two to one. If you break out couples in which wives stay home and husbands are the sole earners, the number of hours goes up for women, to 38 hours of housework a week, and down a bit for men, to 12, a ratio of more than three to one. That makes sense, because the couple have defined home as one partner’s work.But then break out the couples in which both husband and wife have full-time paying jobs. There, the wife does 28 hours of housework and the husband, 16.

Where the housework ratio is two to one, the wife-to-husband ratio for child care in the United States is close to five to one. In a family where Mom stays home and Dad goes to work, she spends 15 hours a week caring for children and he spends 2. In families in which both parents are wage earners, Mom’s average drops to 11 and Dad’s goes up to 3."

Fascinating trends! Some of us "modern women" are getting wise to this. Kudos to you working ladies who are solely responsibility of their household chores, but I have no idea how I could work all day, come home, take care of MacBaby, cook dinner and clean up. So, I don't. MacDaddy is the Executive Chef of the family (and will be blogging here about cooking in the near future) and the Trashman (most of the time). I am the Baby Food Provider, Laundress, and general cleaner-upper. Diaper duty is divided equally.

MacDaddy and I never sat down and created a chore spreadsheet, our division just happened naturally based on our strengths and weaknesses. However, gender chore sharing is a movement! With actual names! It's known as Equally Shared Parenting or Third Path.

Perhaps another silver lining to the recession, in addition to helping the collective "us" curb spending, is the media attention to traditional gender roles.

How do you deal with chore division in your family? Has the recession impacted your routine?


Tip of the Day

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If there is spit up on your floor wipe it up, lest you slip, fall and break your neck.


Nine Months On, Nine Months Off? Or, When Will My Pants Fit?

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I have a beautiful wedding band and engagement ring. I picked them out myself. I also have a closet full of nice pants and dress shirts. I have not been able to wear these things in a year. I miss them. I looking forward to the day I can wear my wedding ring again. If only I had not eaten quite so many scoops of ice cream. . .


What's On Tap

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The issue of drinking while breastfeeding has come to light in the media. A mother in Bismark, N.D. was arrested for breastfeeding her six week old while intoxicated.

After 10 months of abstaining form alcohol, I have made a rule for myself about drinking post-baby. My rule of thumb is to have two glasses, or ten ounces of alcohol (usually wine) on the weekend. I follow this stipulation, because, in addition to not wanting the little one to imbibe along with me, it would really suck to take care of a four month old hungover.

The lactation consultant at the hospital dispensed this advice, the only advice of hers I took. She started this conversation by saying, "we need to talk about drugs and alcohol," to which I responded, "I don't do drugs." She said, "I was talking about not mixing prescription drugs drugs with alcohol, but if you wanted to smoke a joint that would be ok."

What? Pre-pregnancy, and certainly while I was pregnant, our house was, and has remained, pot free, thank you very much. She reminded us at that we were at an "urban" hospital and such behavior was common. What? Are you implying that living in a certain zip code makes smoking pot around a newborn ok, Nutbag Lactation Lady (NBLL)?

Lesson learned? Don't trust a woman who asks if she can touch your boob after she has grabbed it. If there's a MacBaby#2, I'm going to request that she be banned from my room. But, I will always thank NBLL for letting me enjoy my pinot noir with a peace of mind.

Isn't It Cute When . . .

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Babies spontaneously smile when they're in the middle of eating? And when they're done eating they continue to move their mouths like they're still eating?

Intersection of Obsessions: My Baby + My Hair

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Four months after giving birth, my hair seems to be falling out in mass amounts. According to babycenter.com, this postpartum hair loss should not be cause for concern. It's caused by hormone changes. Continuing prenatal vitamins and DHA supplements will help, along with scalp massages and mild shampoos. As always, for those of us curly girls, the curly girl method should be followed as much as possible.

I Love My Country Execpt When it Comes to Maternity Leave (Happy 4th!)

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To mark Sarah Palin's decision to stop governing Alaska, here's an article that appeared during election season about what her potential vice presidency would say about working moms.

According to the article, Palin went back to work a mere three days after giving birth to her son Trig and breastfed during meetings. Three days after giving birth to MacBaby I still couldn't walk to the toilet by myself, much less check and respond to an email. As for breastfeeding during meetings, this isn't really an option for most of us. I don't think I could ever look our CEO in the eye again if my boob accidentally popped out. So, politicians, advocate for maternity leave rights. While this is a great country, let's look back to Europe for the example of post partum care for mamas and babies.

Money, Honey

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MacDaddy and I may be late to this trend, but we are now using Mint.com to keep track of all of our personal finances. You can upload all of your account information (debts and assets) and it will track your overall wealth (or lack thereof). There's also an extremely user-friendly iphone app. Now I can check our finances while at Baby Gap to see if I should go ahead buy MacBaby new onesies that he'll outgrow in two weeks.

One Night TWO Exciting Developments!

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Last night MacFamily unit had a few friends over to celebrate MacDaddy's birthday. At 9 p.m. MacBaby was ready to call it a night. I took him upstairs, intending to stay with him for the remainder of the evening, but MacDaddy set up the video monitor so I could still socialize. I waiting until he fell asleep, put him in the pack and play next to our bed and crept down the stairs. There was his face on our TV! Instead of watching him right next to me, I stared at him in hi-def sleeping peacefully. Not only that, but he remained peaceful until we came upstairs at 11. And, not only that, but he didn't wake up two hours later, but slept until 3 a.m.! Hopefully it wasn't a fluke and the one-time per night feedings will continue.

Um, Ew.

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I love Joel Stein. Here's his taking on eating placenta. Has anyone else tried this? I can't imagine, but I take the Fenugreek pills and I'm still not clear what that is.

Boom Boom Pow

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When I was two, my parents took me to see fireworks. I was so scared, I peed myself. I briefly considered taking MacBaby, 3.5. months to his first firework festival. He loves bright lights. Loud sounds, not so much, so I'm reconsidering. Maybe we'll watch them on TV to celebrate his first fourth? However, you choose to celebrate, Happy 4th of July!

Tip of the Day

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Be sure to leave enough time during your morning routine to get peed on, pooped on, or spit up on, and change your clothes. It happens.

You're Getting Sleepy

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Now that I'm back at work, we've settled into somewhat of an evening routine and MacBaby falls asleep between 8 and 9 p.m. My alarm goes off at 5:50 a.m. The hours in between I struggle with. If MacDaddy works late and comes home around 9, we have maybe one hour to converse before I sack out. Do I call it a night as early as 9 and quit fighting the urge to close my eyes, or do I savor an hour of adult time to read or zone out with the TV? I rarely push the bedtime boundary later, missing the new TV friends that provided a dose of daily snark while on baby vacation - Chelsea and Conan. Last night I couldn't decide whether to go to sleep or veg, knowing I'd likely be up again at 1 a.m. and 4 a.m. I thought I'd close my eyes, and then if I couldn't sleep I'd turn on the tube. Five minutes later, my dreams were entertainment enough.